That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
