Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
