he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
