a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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