apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
