I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
