You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
