Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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