you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
