While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
