FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
