He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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