Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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