Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fuck appropriateness.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
