You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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