i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize