I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
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this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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