90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
