U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
