she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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