My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
