Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
