I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
