oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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