Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
