the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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