I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
