So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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