Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
