You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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