alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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