I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
