you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
