Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need water and some morals
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