I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
