did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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