Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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