hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
