I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
