I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want to make a zoo with you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
