Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
