I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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