Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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