Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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