Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Girls should come with a carfax report
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
