i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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