Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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