He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
