She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
