i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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