you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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