I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
