I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Randomize
