whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i was born a porn star she said
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
