hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
