She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
