he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
