So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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