The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
