Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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