i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
