hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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