in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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