Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
