Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
