nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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