i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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