I hate your face
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
