hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
