He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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