I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
