You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
