Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
did i walk over a car last night?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?