Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.