nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.