I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.