i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that