he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt