Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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